I always wondered if I was a pessimist or a realist. I wondered if I had a bleak outlook on life or if life was just bleak.
Does it even matter?
Thing is, even if I did have a bleak outlook and life is actually great, that doesn’t make me want different glasses. I like the way I am and how I see things.
There is nothing wrong with how I see the world, because what I perceive, is my truth.
But when you Google pessimism and how to deal with it, all you get is advice on how to clear yourself of the negativity or how to fix yourself or even to get rid of the negative people in your life.
They say that we have no hope and don’t believe in anything good. But who is to say that we don’t hope? And why is there a good and bad side?
The way we see the future is just different. But society has led us to believe we are wrong. That we should change and that we should become optimists and believe in all the good things in life.
I have no desire to become an optimist or to get “cured from my pessimism” or get myself “fixed”.
If I have to describe the world and future through my eyes, I would say I live in a world where it always rains or snows and everything looks gray. That is the default setting.
That doesn’t mean it is always like this. No, at times, the sun comes through but that is only on occasion.
But even though it is sunny for a couple of days or even weeks, the sun will always disappear behind a cloud and on the forecast, sooner or later, there will always be rain.
That is how I see the world.
And that left me depressed for a long time, because I believed that there was something wrong with me. That I was doing something wrong. That there wasn’t enough sunlight in my life and that it might even be my own fault because I didn’t follow the conventional roads.
From when I was a little child, there was always this notion that you should be happy and that it was very clear what would make you happy.
Money, work and a relationship.
The notion that you should be grateful that you have been given the freedom and chances to pursue that happiness.
That there are opportunities for you to grasp these things for yourself.
But nowhere, in any of those three things is a guaranteed happiness. On the contrary. I know tons of people that are terrible unhappy after they have achieved those and realised that after all, they are still not satisfied.
So why do we keep thinking this is what we need to chase? Because society needs us to become those people.
Society needs us to work, so that it can keep thriving. It needs us to want money, so the economy doesn’t fall. It urges us to get into a relationship that will bring forth more children.
And it has managed to turn it’s own desires into our desires.
It has led us to believe that this will give us true happiness. It has led us to believe that life is full of chances and opportunities. That around every corner of misery, there will be a glimmer of happiness waiting.
That we need sunlight in our life to be happy.
That in the end, all will be good and if things aren’t good, it isn’t the end yet.
It has led me to believe I should chase those moments of sunlight in my life and that I should try and stop the rain. That I should have more sun in my life.
But the way I see it? To me, society is just filled with fake optimism, trying to chain us down into a ready-made path, holding some illusion in front of my face.
But today I won’t be talking about how I want to change the world. That is a whole different topic. No, today I want to write about I deal with the way the world sees me. How the world has made me feel.
Everyone has this notion that we should be “happy” and that it only counts if it overlays with the norms of society.
But what if I don’t want to be that person? What if the very idea of having the same job for 20 years and being “happy” about it makes me want to vomit?
What if I detest the image of me fitting into a society like this?
Sooner or later, people like you and me will realise that society is trying to change us. That they are trying to make the rain stop. It makes us believe their can only be happiness in the sunlight. I believed that for a long time.
But what if we like the rain? What if the rain is a unique part of our identity? What if the rain is there for a reason? What if like you and me, we value our sober outlook on life as one of our greatest strengths?
Why should we change who we are to fit into society? Society should change to fit all of our unique personalities!
So with that, from this day on, I will make a stand.
I won’t let anyone tell me that my look on the world is bad. I will stop trying to jump through hoops and quit thinking about how to make the rain stop.
Because I like the rain. It is my rain.
From this day on, instead of holding onto the notion that we need sun to make us happy and buckle down under the rain, I will become a flower that blooms when it pours.
Instead of letting society tell me happiness can only be found in the sun, I will prove them wrong and show them I can be a tree that can blossom in the winter.
Instead of believing that the sun will always shine, I will make peace with the fact that the rain will always fall.
I will let go of that part society has implanted in me that keeps telling me I will be unhappy if I stray from their path. I will let go of the notion that I can only be happy in the sunlight.
I will release myself from those silent expectations and move forward.
I will embrace my pessimistic side and accept the storm that always threatens to rage through my heart and the rain that will keep falling before my eyes.
Because even as a pessimist, I still hope, dream and believe. There are still things I wish for and people I desire. I long, I yearn, I crave.
I still feel.
Choosing rain doesn’t mean I want to be unhappy and I don’t stop being a human with emotions.
I will find happiness in my own way and in my own reality. Because that is the only happiness that will truly last and stand the test of time.
I will accept myself for who I am and for how I see the world. For how I expect the world to turn out and what I want to see, unconventional as it may be.
I will dance in the rain.
Because that is the only way I know how. That is the only way we know how.
Are you a pessimist? I would love to hear your take on everything. Feel free to share it in the comments or to contact me with your story, ask me questions, send me remarks or anything that pops into your head.
Did you enjoy this post? There is more where that came from. Read more on my blog
Or take a look at my book here. Because even with a pessimistic outlook on life, I can still believe in romance and love. After all, why shouldn’t we?
Being pessimistic doesn’t mean I don’t believe in certain things, it just means I see them differently.
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