I recently asked my closest friends to describe me. Not because I am insecure or don’t know who I am. Not because I feel lost or because I don’t know what my self-worth is.
When I look in the mirror, I know the person that I see. I know what I am worth as a person to myself.
But there is a reason it is called self-worth. It has only to do with yourself. And nobody else’s opinion should have an influence on how you see yourself.
And that is something we often forget. We often forget our own value because we confuse self-worth with what we are worth to others.
Self-worth is about me and between me and me.
But what I am worth to others? That IS between me and them.
To my parents, I am a good daughter. To my sibling, I am a good sister. And to my friends, I am a good friend.
And that worth, that is something that I can’t decide on my own.
When it comes to relationships, you are worth what the other person sees in you. How they see you. What they value of you. And the other way around.
And that shows you the value of the relationship.
A bad relationship is when we expect more than what we get.
A good relationship is formed when what we expect is equal to what we get from it.
A great relationship is when we get more than what we expect.
And that is only achieved when both parties give more than they take and what they get is no less than what they need.
Relationships are a complex puzzle. We all have things to give. We all have things to offer.
And we all have things we need. Things that we deserve. We all need something in life that keeps us going, that keeps us alive.
And for everybody, those things are wildly different. And therefore, two good people can have a bad relationship because what they give and need just doesn’t align with each other.
What I am worth in a relationship, as it is a romantic one, or a friendship, work related, … any kind of relationship, is defined by the other person and what we both have to offer and what we both need.
So for a truly great relationship, find someone that is willing to freely give what you need and that needs what you effortlessly can give.
Find someone that isn’t interested in only taking. And be a person that doesn’t only take.
Find someone that deserves what you have to give and that gives you what you deserve and no less.
This is who I want to be and how I want to define my relationships with the people around me.
Always give more than you take.
Never accept less than you deserve.